How I Became Anti-Vaccine

Why are people anti-vaccine? From everything we have been told and taught to believe, it seems nonsensical.

I want to share with you my personal story about how I went from pro-vaccine (believing in the effectiveness of vaccines and vaccinating my child) to anti-vaccine (believing that the harm of vaccines greatly outweighs any perceived benefits).

For several years before and after the birth of my first child, I was unsure. I felt caught between different sources of conflicting information that I thought to be credible. But I knew too much to fully believe what we were always told – that vaccines were 100% “safe & effective”. I chose a delayed and selective vaccine schedule for my son. I was torn between the risk of a “preventable” disease and the risk of vaccine injury. I didn’t know as much as I do now.


The first time he received vaccines, at 4 months of age, he was somnolent for 4 hrs following the shot – awake but out of it. I was worried, because it wasn’t like him to be awake and not fully alert… but I felt some relief when he seemed to be back to himself later that day.

A month later I went in to get him two more shots (Prevnar & Hib). It was then that I found out the nurse had given him a vaccine for which I did not give consent. I was livid. At the previous appointment I had requested a DTaP-only shot. The nurse said it was available but scoffed and rolled her eyes at me for not wanting to give him the rest of them, and tried to pressure me to give him the rotavirus vaccine. She ended up giving him Pediarix – DTaP, Polio, HepB in one shot – while my husband and I sat there believing she was administering DTaP. Pediarix contains high levels of aluminum and I had intended to avoid it.

Three days after that second set of vaccines, my son started showing signs of having neurological damage – he developed some kind of head tic, which looking back, appears to have potentially been non-febrile seizures (no fever). I didn’t connect it to the vaccines at the time.

I didn’t know that both Prevnar (pneumococcal) & Hib contain aluminum. I didn’t know that aluminum has been linked to tics in scientific studies. I didn’t know that aluminum reduces the concentration of magnesium in the central nervous system, which can lead to tics, nor that it destroys nerve cells in the brain – and that this was happening to my 5 month old son.

But I know now. I was still naive, ignorant, and fearful of diseases for the next year of my son’s life. I was caught in between the risks of the diseases and the risks of the vaccines. I was concerned about whooping cough, so he received two more doses of DTaP. But as he got closer to two years of age, I started getting more and more concerned about his development. He had several symptoms of being on the spectrum. Language and speech delays, gross motor delays, cognitive delays (for example, he couldn’t understand how to answer a yes or no question until after he was 2 years old), he had sensory processing issues, he refused to let anyone, even me, hug or kiss him, he would bang his head on the couch and into people, sometimes the floor…


He would rarely look me in the eye or smile for pictures, when his younger cousin would immediately make eye contact and smile. He had a pretty vacant expression much of the time. There were many indicators, and I was honestly terrified as he grew older, that it would become more and more obvious to everyone else that he was not a neurotypical child.

I don’t think anyone in my life knew how much anxiety this brought me. At that point I chose to stop vaccinating him altogether and I started focusing on getting him eating well. I also began to educate myself on all of the toxic ingredients in the products in our home. Parabens, phenoxyethanol, methylchloroisothiazolinone. The list is long. Shampoo, soap, lotion, toothpaste… I threw them out. I started making my own deodorant and I began learning about essential oils and natural health. I started making him fresh fruit and veggie smoothies on a daily basis. I know that this had to have helped his system get a break from the onslaught of toxic substances in order to start to repair the damage to his brain and body.

Then my daughter was born and my son finally started being able to speak more than two syllables at a time. I found I had the ambition to dive head first into reading anything and everything I could find on vaccines, disease, and health, so I embraced it. I was obsessive about reading scientific studies from both sides and looking into the history and statistics of disease and disease mortality. I’ve never been so consumed with anything like I was with this. It was my sole focus besides being with and caring for my children. I spent hours – every spare moment – every day – reading. I’m not exaggerating… I would open my mouth to speak, and my husband would say, “Is this about vaccines?”

It was a rough time because he could not relate to my passion for the subject and he was trying to focus on supporting our family. He didn’t really have time to hear about every new detail I was piecing together. The aluminum, the mercury, the aborted fetuses, the chicken embryo cells, fetal bovine serum, casein (milk protein), monkey kidney cells (“vero cells”)… Then there was the constant flow of stories from mothers and fathers about their vaccine injured children. The stories about how their pediatricians refused to acknowledge that vaccines could have been a factor in the sudden decline of their child’s health, even though their child was perfectly healthy and happy prior to shots, and only hours after began screaming inconsolably for days – then suffered developmental delays, digestive issues, recurring ear or respiratory infections, food allergies (e.g. to casein, eggs, peanuts), etc.

There were way too many stories of infants dying shortly after vaccines and their deaths being labeled “SIDS” or “undetermined” by medical examiners who don’t even perform the proper autopsy testing necessary to rule out the impact of vaccines (this happened to a friend of mine, whose baby died 36 hours after her 6 month vaccines), nor would they give credit to the fact that even relatively common genetic polymorphisms such as the MTHFR gene mutation (which applies to 30% to 50% of the population) can make children more susceptible to vaccine injury and death.

I came across many stories of children getting a “measles -like” rash and a fever, shortly after receiving the live-virus measles/mumps/rubella vaccine. It was puzzling in these cases, that doctors refused to diagnose measles, AS MEASLES, after the child was injected – with a vaccine containing the live measles virus! (Side note: How can we assert that the vaccine is effective, if cases of measles occur as a result of vaccination, and the symptoms are dismissed as “normal” and ultimately not documented? How long has this been standard practice?)

Most parents don’t know that live virus vaccines can “shed”, like in the case of rotavirus or varicella (chicken pox) – or maybe they’ve been told that shedding is a myth. Yet, the MMR vaccine insert [bottom of page 4] states that live rubella virus can be swabbed from the nose of vaccinated individuals for 29 days post-vaccination. It’s been documented in the case of one vaccinated two-year-old, that it’s possible for a vaccinated person to carry and shed (and contract!) vaccine virus-associated measles five weeks after receiving the live-virus vaccine. But the one that takes the cake is the story of the man who shed the vaccine version of the polio virus for almost 30 YEARS.

Then there are the stories of fearful, and sadly, very uneducated but well-meaning new parents, who faithfully follow their doctor’s advice, who saw the “Big Bad Wolf” ad on television, and believe they’re protecting their child by requesting or even demanding that relatives receive a pertussis vaccine prior to visiting their new baby. They don’t know that the DTaP & Tdap vaccines can make people asymptomatic carriers of whooping cough and that the FDA admitted it. [Edit: 04/2018. That is, until the FDA and NIH both removed the press release from their sites.]

Unfortunately, vaccinating parents (or grandparents) doesn’t actually work to protect infants from whooping cough.

And actually, there’s a long history of pertussis vaccine failure. In the early 1990s, the whole cell DPT (diphtheria, tetanus, and pertussis) vaccine was discontinued in the United States and replaced by acellular DtaP and Tdap vaccines, which were considered to be “safer”. Prior to this switch, vaccine manufacturers were being sued left and right and losing in court due to the high amount of vaccine injury lawsuits, primarily over the DPT vaccine. These lawsuits caused two domestic vaccine manufacturers to go out of business and threatened the existence of the entire US vaccine program.

As a result, the manufacturers who were left, went to petition the federal government to do something about this. And instead of our federal regulatory agencies, which exist solely to “protect” our health, telling them that they need to make their vaccines safer, the US government took liability away from vaccine manufacturers for any injuries their injections might inflict upon children, via the National Childhood Vaccine Injury Act. The Supreme Court ruled, that because vaccines are vital for public health, yet also “unavoidably unsafe”, that the manufacturers would no longer be held liable. And with that, went all financial incentive to make their vaccines safer.

While the DPT vaccine was discontinued in the US due to injuries and subsequent lawsuits, the DPT vaccine is still given to infants and children in the rest of the developing world, and has been found to increase mortality of 3-5 month old children by a factor of 10.

In addition to this, the CDC recognizes that the DPT vaccinated children may be asymptomatic reservoirs for infection. And the acellular DTaP (and Tdap) vaccines have followed suit. There’s even a new pertussis vaccine under development due to the failure of the current vaccines to prevent outbreaks.

To clarify the above, anyone who receives a pertussis vaccine can become infected upon contact with pertussis bacteria, exhibit no symptoms, and then unknowingly transmit that infection to other people, including newborn infants who are most at risk. At least if you haven’t received the vaccine, you’ll start to exhibit symptoms of being ill and know to stay away from a child. If you receive the vaccine, you’ll never know.

One of the most tragic things about this issue, is that research has found that the most important source of whooping cough infection in infants 6 months of age and younger, is not unvaccinated children or their relatives. It’s their 2-3 year old fully vaccinated siblings.

Then there are the news stories and studies of disease outbreaks in fully-vaccinated populations… Like this outbreak of whooping cough, and this outbreak of mumps. The efficacy of most vaccines is questionable at best. Merck is even being sued for greatly exaggerating the efficacy of their MMR vaccine. But this is not something pediatricians tell parents at their child’s well-visits. Do they even know?


Then there’s the evidence that the death rate from “preventable diseases” had already dropped like a lead weight before the introduction of vaccines in the 60s. Pharmaceutical giants are content to keep people believing and spreading the historically inaccurate idea that vaccines were responsible for saving lives, and not – better nutrition, the sewer system, sanitary living conditions, better hygiene, hand washing, food safety prep, cleaner water, environmental regulations, a better understanding of how to treat diseases and support the body, etc.


The CDC even states that clean water was one of the greatest public health achievements of the 20th century because of how it contributed to the decline in disease mortality. But be careful, if you say that, you may get attacked. It’s not politically correct in a world of vaccine zealots to mention that anything else but vaccines could have contributed to saving lives from “preventable diseases”.

Then came learning about how these “preventable diseases” are actually treatable with modern medicine or even with just – better nutrition. Measles is treated with vitamin A. The severity of whooping cough can be greatly reduced with high doses of vitamin C. These diseases were hardly considered dangerous and rather more like a rite of passage for kids in the 50s & early 60s, and now we know so much more about how to treat them. But the fear-mongering in the media and from medical professionals is intense. And ridiculous.

And THEN came learning how these “preventable diseases” are actually beneficial to the immune system to contract and are linked to having a reduced risk of cancer (there are many published studies on this)… Pharmaceutical companies/vaccine manufacturers have been known to commit fraud and continue to push their deadly drugs even while knowing they’re killing people. And our government agencies seem to be heavily influenced, if not totally bought by the pharmaceutical companies.

In 2016, group of more than a dozen senior scientists at the CDC came forward lodging an ethics complaint, alleging that their agency is being influenced by corporate and political interests, and that this corruption and “cooking” of results is the norm, not the exception. Another senior CDC scientist-turned whistleblower has come forward, declaring that he and other CDC scientists trashed data that would have revealed an MMR vaccine-autism link. [ Watch Vaxxed ] The director of the CDC at the time, Julie Gerberding, knew about this cover up. And once the fraudulent study was published, Merck (maker of the MMR vaccine) rewarded her with a position as the head of their vaccine division in 2009. In 2014, she became the Executive Vice President of Merck, and in 2022 was given the position of CEO of the Foundation for the National Institutes of Health, which “creates and manages alliances with public and private institutions in support of the mission of the National Institutes of Health (NIH)“.

What else am I going to learn about this issue that blows my mind even more? That pediatricians are financially incentivized to make sure their patients are up to date on their vaccines by age 2? Sigh.

I keep learning new things each day. Still. Because I READ STUDIES in investigate the medical research. There are so many studies that never see the light of day because the media will never report on it. And it amazes me now, how utterly brainwashed we have been to believe we can inject something made by corrupt, criminal drug companies, to make us “healthy” – especially when these injections contain antibiotics, monkey kidney cell DNA, aborted fetal cell DNA, live viruses, blood from cow fetuses or calves, casein, polysorbate 80, porcine gelatin, aluminum, mercury, etc.

It’s amazing that we think we know how to out-smart our biology, physiology, biochemistry, etc. That we can somehow thwart the immune system, even when we don’t completely know how the immune system works, and vaccine science is based on 1950s research and understanding of the immune system. It’s truly crazy that we think injecting pregnant women and babies with what reads like something out of a witches brew of ingredients – is NORMAL.

There’s more. And more. And more. But it’s simply TOO MUCH to cover, TOO MUCH to share. There’s so much more that’s hidden from the public. So many published medical research studies. Much more evidence of fraud by the CDC and pharmaceutical industry. 9+ years of daily reading and investigating this topic truly cannot be boiled down into one blog post, even though I’ve attempted to highlight the important points. I never imagined I would be such an activist for this cause, but my education in toxicology, my love for my children, and my intense passion for learning about science and health – has brought me to this point.

And – those of you who have seen all my posts on Facebook – sorry, for bombarding you with all of it. I really do know how controversial this is and that some of you are probably so annoyed that you have either un-followed or un-friended me. I have witnessed first-hand the hatefulness that posts about vaccines can incite. But I can’t help it and I can’t be quiet about it. Infants are dying – children are being poisoned and damaged, developing chronic diseases – for what? To avoid having a fever and a rash for a week which can be treated with proper nutrition or a vitamin? They may just get the disease from the vaccine anyway!

It may seem like I’m saying vaccines are pointless. But actually, there may be a reason for it all. Children who start life with bodies damaged and burdened with toxic substances can become a source of long-term profit for the medical and pharmaceutical industries. Why treat the underlying cause when you can prescribe a pill (or inject a vaccine) to mask symptoms while creating a new problem?

Healthy people do not create profit for the medical and pharmaceutical industries.

I’ll leave it at this. People like to call the vaccine issue “the rabbit hole” – i.e. when you start to investigate vaccines, you feel a bit like Alice in Wonderland, not realizing that this journey you’ve started on will be so bewildering that your entire understanding of how the world works begins to change. When you start to read facts that challenge your world-view, what do you change? Clearly, you don’t change the facts. I am constantly reshaping my world-view based on new information. I still read evidence presented by those who maintain a pro-vaccine position. And yet the more I read, the more confident I am in the information I’m sharing with you today.

Ultimately, it is up to you to do the research for your family and make a decision. Don’t take my word for it. However, I hope that what I have shared here has been illuminating. I only care about the truth of the matter, because that is how I can best move forward to protect my child (and yours) from unnecessary harm.

Thank you for reading.

– Ashley